An Unbreakable Heart

Jack Thomas Biehslich was born on 8-15-09 at 3:30 p.m. He passed away on 8-15-09 at 5:39 p.m. I don't have words. I cannot imagine what Becky is going through right now. I wouldn't begin to know how to deal with this.

I feel as though I lost a member of my family. I did not get to see him. I never said hello, or goodbye. But I am grieving for my best friend and her husband. And I am beginning to question everything I have ever been taught in my life.

My dad is an ordained minister. I was brought up in church and until recently went every time the doors were open, and sometimes when they weren't. But this weekend I think my faith was tested to the point that I don't know what or who to have faith in anymore. Yes, to be blunt, I am questioning God. I am questioning how something like this happens. How an innocent child, who was brought forth in love, can be taken from his parents without a touch, without a whisper. I've never been this close to something that I don't understand. The only thing I have are questions. Questions as to why a merciful God looks down on his beloved and whisks away part of their soul.

I don't need anyone to answer this blog with a sermon. I know my beliefs and I know my heart, and I am saved and going to heaven, and, and, and. This is something that I must work through on my own. It's between me and God. And since we haven't been on good terms for the last few years anyway, I'm just not sure what to think right now. There are no straight lines anymore. Those lines have been blurred by tears and frustration.

God obviously isn't going to give me an unbreakable heart, so I wonder what's the point?